I Am the ‘Penis and Vagina’ Kid from the Arnold Schwarzenegger Comedy: An Interview.
The action icon is universally recognized as an iconic tough guy. Yet, at the height of his blockbuster fame in the eighties and nineties, he also headlined several genuinely hilarious comedies. Chief among them is Kindergarten Cop, which celebrates its three-and-a-half decade milestone this December.
The Story and An Iconic Moment
In the hit comedy, Schwarzenegger embodies a undercover cop who poses as a schoolteacher to catch a killer. For much of the story, the procedural element serves as a loose framework for Schwarzenegger to have charming interactions with kids. Without a doubt the standout involves a student named Joseph, who spontaneously stands up and states the former bodybuilder, “Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina.” Schwarzenegger replies icily, “Thanks for the tip.”
The boy behind the line was brought to life by former young actor Miko Hughes. His career featured a character arc on Full House playing the antagonist to the child stars and the character of the resurrected boy in the screen translation of Stephen King’s Pet Sematary. Hughes remains active today, with multiple films listed on his IMDb. Additionally, he engages with fans at the con circuit. He recently discussed his memories from the set of Kindergarten Cop 35 years later.
A Young Actor's Perspective
Interviewer: First, how old were you when you filmed Kindergarten Cop?
Miko Hughes: I believe I was four. I was the smallest of all the kids on set.
That's impressive, I don't recall being four. Do you retain any flashes from that time?
Yeah, somewhat. They're snapshots. They're like picture memories.
Do you recall how you got the part in Kindergarten Cop?
My parents, primarily my mom would take me to auditions. Frequently it was like a cattle call. There'd be dozens of children and we'd all patiently queue, enter the casting office, be in there for a very short time, deliver a quick line they wanted and then leave. My parents would coach me on the dialogue and then, when I became literate, that was probably the first stuff I was reading.
Do you have a specific memory of meeting Arnold? What was your take on him?
He was very kind. He was enjoyable. He was nice, which arguably makes sense. It would be strange if he was mean to all the kids in the classroom, that probably wouldn't make for a good work environment. He was great to work with.
“It'd be weird if he was mean to all the kids in the classroom.”
I was aware he was a major movie star because my family informed me, but I had never really seen his movies. I sensed the excitement — it was exciting — but he didn't frighten me. He was just fun and I just wanted to play with him when he had time. He was busy, obviously, but he'd sometimes engage here and there, and we would hang off of his arms. He'd flex and we'd be holding on. He was exceptionally kind. He bought every kid in the classroom a personal stereo, which at the time was the hottest tech. It was the coolest device, that iconic bright yellow cassette player. I listened to the Power Rangers soundtrack and the Ninja Turtles soundtrack for a long time on that thing. It wore out in time. I also received a real silver whistle. He had the referee's whistle, and the kids all were gifted copies as well.
Do you remember your experience as being positive?
You know, it's amusing, that movie was this cultural thing. It was such a big movie, and it was an incredible opportunity, and you would think, in retrospect, I would want my memories to be of working with Arnold, working with [director] Ivan Reitman, visiting Astoria, the production design, but my memories are of being a selective diner at lunch. For example, they got everyone pizza, but I didn't even like pizza. All I would eat was the pepperoni off the top. Then, the Nintendo Game Boy was just released. That was the big craze, and I was quite skilled. I was the youngest and some of the older kids would hand me their devices to get past hard parts on games because I could do it, and I was felt accomplished. So, it's all childhood recollections.
The Infamous Moment
OK, the penis and vagina line, do you remember anything about it? Did you grasp the meaning?
At the time, I wasn't fully aware of what the word taboo meant, but I knew it was provocative and it caused the crew to chuckle. I was aware it was kind of something I wasn't supposed to do, but I was given an exception in this case because it was humorous.
“It was a difficult decision for her.”
How it was conceived, from what I understand, was they hadn't finalized all the dialogue. Some character lines were written into the script, but once they had the kids together, it wasn't pure improvisation, but they worked on it while filming and, reportedly someone in charge came to my mom and said, "We have an idea. We want Miko to have this line. Are you okay with this?" My mom didn't answer immediately. She said, "Let me think about it, let me sleep on it" and took a day or two. It was a tough call for her. She said she wasn't sure, but she believed it would likely become one of the iconic quotes from the movie and her instinct was correct.
